Women: Own The Difference Your Difference Makes

It’s well established that when more women sit at decision making tables, better decisions are made. Are women better leaders than men? Of course not. However the traits women bring to leadership equip them to be outstanding leaders.

The fact that countries led by women have, on average, managed this pandemic better than those led by men is evidence of the strengths women leaders bring to decision tables.

Of course, women are not necessarily better at managing crisis. Correlation does not mean causation. However in a world still dominated by masculine leadership norms, women usually have to perform better to become one. 

This crisis holds a unique opportunity for dismantling some of the traditional barriers that have kept women from rising to top tables.  Seizing them will require courage. Change always does. 

It’s why I’m writing this article. Because the world needs more women stepping into their power and leading the change they want to see.

So to you (I'm assuming you’re a woman, but if not, thank you for being someone who champions them), I invite you to consider how this extraordinary moment in time holds a silent invitation for you to be a more powerful ‘change agent’ in your organization, community and the world. If you’re not sure where to start, here’s five suggestions. 

1- Don’t wait for confidence!

If you’re reading this thinking “Oh, not me, I’m just not that powerful,” then consider that each time you doubt your power, you give power to your doubts. 

Women tend to doubt themselves more and back themselves less than the men. Research has found that women often lag behind men in self-confidence and rate their abilities more harshly. 

So if you’ve been waiting to feel confident before you make a change, take a chance or speak up about an issue weighing you down… stop waiting and start doing. 

As Kathy Calvin, former President of the United Nations Foundation, shared with me:

“We women hold ourselves back. We think we aren’t experienced enough, when in fact we are. You have to get yourself out there.”  

Give yourself permission to start before you feel ready, to learn as you go, and to not get it perfectly right, first time, every time.” 

2 - Dare to see yourself as a leader

As the big sister of seven, I was prone to being bossy. Yet I was also highly adept at creating order from chaos. Today, we call that early signs of leadership acumen. Back then, particularly in rural Australia, it never occurred to me that I could be a leader. Not once. The very word only evoked images of middle-aged men in suits.

From entrepreneurs like Sara Blakely to CEO’s like Indra Nooyi to politicians like Taiwan’s Tsai Ing-wen, women today have a diversity of role models for female leadership.  This is a good thing! Yet women are still less comfortable seeing themselves as leaders than men.  When running my ‘courage building’ leadership programs, I often ask participants to raise their hand if they are a leader. Regardless of position, more male hands will go up than females (who often hesitate to lift their hand half-up, unsure whether they qualify). That inner voice, cynically asking ‘Who are you to be a leader?’  tends to be louder for women. 

Yet for others to see us as a leader we must first see ourselves one.  So visualize yourself as a leader - a change-maker and force for good - and consider how you’d show up differently if you made the self-affirming decision to identify yourself as a leader. Would you walk taller, speak more assertively (less the apologies), hold your head higher, dress in a way that conveyed self-belief?

Never has there been a more important time to for any of us to decide who we want to be as a leader. So don’t wait for permission or a promotion. Rather act as the leader you want to become. Then be patient as others catch up. They will.

3 - Dial up your daring

Women enter the workforce brimming with ambition as this study by Bain and Company found. Yet within ten years, many dial down their aspirations as they discover the playing field they’ve entered is tilted against them. Little wonder there’s been an ‘opt out’ revolution.

Leveling that field will require redesigning it in ways that work for women. As this crisis has upended the norms about where and how we work, it’s helped to plug one of the biggest holes in that ‘leaky pipeline’ to the top – a lack of flexibility, particularly in the child rearing years.

So as you look out ten - or twenty - years from now, connect to a vision for your future that excites you, holds meaning and plays to your strengths. Then move toward it, however small your first step. Just don’t exit the field all together.  

4 - Lean toward risk

Regardless of gender, we’re all wired for safety; to focus more on what could go wrong than on what might go right. However, women are less likely to overestimate their ability to handle the risks should things go wrong, and more likely to underestimate it.  

The upside: women tend to be more considered risk takers and less prone to reckless acts of bravado.

The downside: women sometimes hold back from putting themselves ‘out there’ and taking the very risks that would elevate their trajectory.

KPMG’s study on women and risk taking, found that only 43% of women are comfortable taking the larger risks associated with career advancement; those which embolden women for greater challenges, build crucial competencies, grow resilience and develop critical ‘door-opening’ relationships.

Risking the comfort you have now for the future you’d love most is the very definition of courage.  This requires taking a leap of faith in yourself, laying your pride and vulnerability on the line for the sake of something more important.

As I have found many times in my own career and working with thousands of women across the world, it’s the risks we don’t take that we regret the most. So if you were to lean into the discomfort such a risk would require, what brave leap would you take?  

To quote Beyoncé: “I don't like to gamble, but if there's one thing I'm willing to bet on, it's myself.”

Bet on yourself. The upside completely outweighs the downside.

5- Own the difference your difference makes

Effective leaders possess a mix of feminine and masculine qualities. Likewise, the most effective teams possess a diverse mix of people, personalities, perspectives and preferences. Too often though we buy into the false belief that we have to be more like other people, like the mental template we have of what it is to be ‘leader like’, in order to advance.

Not true.  

Sure, we need to be adaptable. But adaptability and authenticity are not two different sides of the coin. We can dial up what is required to be effective in a given situation, without giving up what makes us unique or selling out on what feels truthful.  

As I wrote in You’ve Got This!, the world does not need more women acting like men (there are plenty of men to do that.) It needs women to be more of who they already are. The General Patton ‘command and control’ style of leadership has given way to a new and more affiliative approach, one that reconstructs power from ‘power over’ to ‘power with’.  One built on empowering, collaborating and nurturing a ‘culture of courage’ that encourages braver leadership in others.  This is where women’s ‘communal’ leadership strengths come to the fore. 

Do women run the risk of being judged as less leaderlike if they don’t conform to the masculine template for leadership? Sure.

Do they run the risk of backlash if they violate feminine ‘communal’ norms? Yep, that too.  

But let’s face it, we will never dismantle outdated norms if all we do is bend to them.

Responding to criticism that she was too soft to be a strong leader, New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Adern said, “I refuse to believe that you cannot be both compassionate and strong." 

Me too, Jacinda. A woman can be assertive and empathetic. She can be feminine and fierce. And she can embody grace and grit. All at the same time. After all, when it comes to balancing and multi-tasking, we’re pretty masterful!

So if you ever doubt you have what it takes to be a leader, I invite you to reclaim the power you’ve given your doubts and channel it into becoming the bravest version of the leader you have it within you to become. 

Growth and comfort cannot coexist. So doubt those doubts and dare to show up as the powerful woman you have it within you to be, however uncomfortable.

“When a culture of dominance is broken,” wrote Melinda Gates in The Moment of Lift, “it activates power in us all.”

As more women embrace their power, it will change the nature of power.

As more women find their courage to rise, it will elevate all humanity.

Here’s to more brave women rising. Will you join me?

Founder of the Brave Women Rising program and Brave Women’s Retreat Weekend, Margie Warrell PhD just released her fifth book You’ve Got This! The Life-Changing Power of Trusting Yourself (Wiley).